I remember

..this time last year.. each of the days preceding & those following.. to the hour.. logged in my memory like your favorite sad movie.

..the ambiguous text, the ominous phone call, the midnight alarm, the somber drive, the emotional breakdown, the muted hospital, the bitter end.

..the resulting concern, condolences, curse words, crying, & finally coming to terms with the fact that death is an inescapable reality.. the one absolute universal truth in all of our lives.

Life produces questions & death multiplies them exponentially. Who? When? Where? How? The most difficult of all.. Why?!

Why didn’t old age get to take him?

Why doesn’t my father get to walk any of his girls down the aisle?

Why won’t he get the chance to meet any of his 12 children’s grandchildren?

Why don’t my little sisters get to have their father to wake up to, walk to school with, camp in the backyard & fish with, to read, run, learn, play, jump, & grow with?

The “why’s” are the ones that get you. If you allow them to occupy your thoughts for too long, they’ll hold your mind hostage. Let yourself free.

081409. RIP dad. In loving memory of John Onechanh Oudommahavanh. http://sites.google.com/site/onechanhmemorial/home

I want to tell his stories. One day I will.